what really stood out for me was how you said you feel disconnected from others because they seemed to have it all together while you struggled. dont judge other peoples outsides with your insides. if there wasnt a disconnection from others you probably would have discovered that everybody else was struggling in one way or another as well. people just dont like to talk about their struggles because they dont want to be judged or they are afraid how others will respond or that others will not understand. know that you are not alone, ever. there is always someone experiencing the same things you are. it is just the way life is. take care.