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How angry are you? There are so many frustrations in our daily lives; one could easily become chronically irritated. Perhaps more important than the variety of things that anger us, is <ul type="square">[*](1) the intensity of our anger and[*](2) the degree of control we have over our anger. That is, how close are we to losing control? About two-thirds of the students in my classes feel the need to gain more control over their anger.

How much of a temper do you have? Ask yourself these kind of questions:[*] Do you have a quick or a hot temper?[*] Do you suppress or hide your anger (passive-aggressive or victim)?[*] Do you get irritated when someone gets in your way? fails to give you credit for your work? criticizes your looks or opinions or work? gives themselves advantages over you?[*] Do you get angry at yourself when you make a foolish mistake? do poorly in front of others? put off important things? do something against your morals or better judgment?[*] Do you drink alcohol or use drugs?[*] Do you get angry or mellow when you are high? Research clearly shows that alcohol and drugs are linked with aggression. Drinking decreases our judgment and increases our impulsiveness, so watch out.

You probably have a pretty accurate picture of your temper. But check your opinion against the opinion of you held by relatives and friends. There also are several tests that measure anger, e.g. Spielberger (1988) and by DiGiuseppe & Tafrate (2003). The latter scale has 18 subscales but only takes 20 minutes.

What can be done to reduce hate, anger, and violence? I hope, as you read this chapter, that you find several opportunities for you to control your anger and to contribute to global efforts to avoid violence or war and to be kinder to each other. I believe parents and schools could teach everyone many things about how to control their anger. I believe help in resolving parent-child and marital conflicts could be made readily available. We could, as individuals, encourage other people, our own government, and other nations to negotiate differences rather than developing a negative stereotype of each other and fighting with each other. Good conflict resolution practices could be praised wherever they occur. Teach the benefits of understanding others and acquire the wisdom of forgiving unkind acts. There are many things to do that will reduce the level of violence in families and increase the kindness in the world.

There are two related problems that badly need attention:[*] (1) having self-control and individually coping with an angry person and[*](2) conflict resolution within families, ethnic and religious groups, work organizations, and especially between armed gangs, political movements or militaristic countries.

Self-control is different from peacefully settling arguments between tribes and countries. Relatively little science-based efforts are being made in either area, although the world is filled with people willing to give you or sell you advice about self-discipline.

And there are even more moralistic teachers and preachers holding forth along with lawyers, social scientists, and politicians who claim special skills or methods for fairly resolving conflicts. With all these people trying to save the world, why aren’t the World Court and United Nations better supported and used to keep peace? Why do some people have many more resources and much more influence than others if the majority of people in the world really believe in democracy? Why can’t modern, educated societies restrict revenge and develop rules of engagement to limit violence like many animals and primitive tribes did? Why do we think in terms of using massive force, unconditional surrender, “kill them all,” etc?[/list]

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