I'm really fed up about having a long face all the time, or having such a hard time to have pleasure, to smile, to laugh. I'm tired of wacky emotions, stress, anxiety, anger, sadness. Being on the edge of lousy emotions all the time is really really getting on my nerves and I want to beat this. I would love to have a good few days in a row that would be normal, where I would not be so sensitive to my emotions. I would love that people around me would actually feel good around me. I can't force myself to smile, it feels ridiculous. Not one day goes by without me complaining..something always comes around and I just can't get myself to feel happy or to feel something positive..it just happens..and a few seconds later I'm back to feeling negative emotions. I know writing won't change anything, I'm just wondering what the heck I can start doing..how to motivate myself to feel better..I need lots and lots of motivations. I spent hours crying again last night, spend the day feeling blah..when will this go away. I'm taking my meds, still can't get myself to go to sleep early, still can't always enjoy a meal, still feel like I have the world on my shoulder and don't know how to shove it off so I can feel relax and be able to enjoy simple things..I feel like the expression my glass is almost full and each day a drop makes me tip..then I get a few minutes of being so so and than another drop falls into it. When it's not the emotions, it's the physical stuff, upset stomach soar heard soar eyes...ahhh soar back..I want my life back, I want to be able to feel happiness, I want to feel more confident, feel like I'm doing something good and meaningful. I have lost weight, my hair has grown, my clothes don't fit, really I look so blah...so yulk..If I where a man I would look like forest gump before he went for a long walk. I really wonder if my meds are working, I was told I can't take antidepressants my doc upped my epival and I've got to go do bloodwork again...(should have done it last week) Told that this medication would help...so far I think it as me stable unhappy. I want stability and the capacity to also have good emotions I want normal emotions..How do people without mental health problems do it..I wonder.