I just wanna' strangle myself. And I have, but not in a self-harm kinda' fashion. It's more so I can internalize the pain, and hope I can someday communicate how much it hurts. It's annoying, but I still manage to have good days where I just forget about everything.

I really want my mom to burn in hell. But not really. She's so oblivious and she used to keep pushing me to get help but now we're all just really f@cking lazy and I have to succeed at something. Or something.

I failed Civics last year. And somehow my mom doesn't know about it, even though she read my report card before me. At least I think that's how it is, I don't see it in her to hide that sorta' thing. I think I'd genuinely punch her in the face if this is actually the case.

I know 82% that my emotions aren't my fault. But it's hard to communicate that "everything's" her fault without ruining a chance at a stable life in the long-term.

As I've stated, I've just gotten really lazy in terms of improving my emotional state. It also doesn't help that it's 4:15 in the morning and I constantly feel like i'm being watched.