Mimielam, I can totally relate to your post. I have bipolar and have been in a depression for about a year. It was very severe, then ECT kicked it up to where I'm anywhere from mildly to moderately depressed (mainly mildly). But to want to be able to genuinely smile and feel positive emotions like "everyone else - - " I get that. It's no fun to have the weight of depression on you. Hang in there, and so will I.