Hi Madhouse115,

I read your entire post.

The grieving process is somewhat different for everyone; you have been through traumatic events that, evidently, you have not processed to your satisfaction.

I have PTSD from my father's death (cancer, January 1989), and from military service. I'm still in the grieving process, but I'm making progress. I don't know if there is such a thing as being recovered.

I'm at the point in my life that the traumas are like a scar: they force me to remember traumatic events that have made me the man I am today. I wear the scar proudly, for the scar is there so I never forget.