TW - mentions of suicide

i have suddenly taken a downwards spiral. have started cutting again and am completely and entirely addicted - it is the only thing holding me alive.

my therapist is on holiday, and this time of year was always when i was abused as a child. plus my meds aren't working. so those are definite factors.

i dont know what to do. i think i am going to be admitted into a psych unit. im staying with my parents and am SU. they are trying to get hold of my pdoc.

i forgot all the reasons not to cut. i almost like the way they look on my arm, which is terrible.

could someone give me a reason to hold on to life? it is stealthily slipping through my fingers.