So sad and lonely. I'm aware that I'm 'abnormal'. I should be doing what everyone else my age is doing. I should still be in school. I should be going places and having fun with friends. I should have a boyfriend. I have none of these things, I stay at home all day and am extremely lonely. I have zero friends. I've never had a boyfriend. I was always the outcast in school, I couldn't get anyone to want me in any way, no matter what, which saddened and frustrated me, and this contributed to my dropping out in March. Now all I do each day is stay at home and eat and use the internet. Oh, and listen to my parents fight drunk every night. I can't keep doing this. I will not survive a whole winter like this. But I don't know what I should do. I see no point in going out more, and talking to people, when I know already that they will think of me as an ugly loser and reject me no matter what I say. It's hard to make friends when you don't have the same mainstream interests that others your age all share - and especially to have low self-esteem and social anxiety and depression on top of that. It seems impossible that I will ever have friends in my life. I want so bad, but I suppose you can't always get what you want, huh...