I pray that things start to feel better for you soon, I do find find, however, that writing things out does make me feel better. Sometimes I just have so much built up that I need to release it all someway. I am not sure if you are on an AP but if you are you should be able to take an AD, atleast that has been my experience. In my case, my Prozac can make me manic, but my Zyprexa prevents it when I take it, I know because I went off my Zyprexa for about 3 weeks without my pdoc's consent and my mood was cycling like crazy while I was taking the Prozac alone. Some AP's have anti-depressant properties too, I know Seroquel and Zyprexa are the main two with those properties. I pray that something works out soon.