I think that's one of the worst aspects of depression or, indeed, any other mental health condition. That sensation of knowing you need "something" but not having the first clue about what that "something" is or how to ask for it/find it. At least when in session or some other means of self-help we can feel productive whereas that in-between kind of limbo makes us feel lost and isolated. Plus this time of year doesn't help either. Speaking for myself, I dread Christmas/New Year every year because I know my depression is going to ramp up several hundred notches and it's the one time T is unavailable. I don't really have any practical advice on where to get help, especially as I don't know whereabouts in the world you are. In the UK we have a 24/7 Samaritans service for people at a low ebb, maybe you could access something like that? Hopefully maybe just the knowledge that you are DEFINITELY not alone in this will help, even if only a little.
Hugs and all good things winging your way :-)