Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support and all the thoughts. I actually did get to talk to her late last night, so that was nice... but honestly, I still feel like... like I can't really count on her to be there. It's fine, I'm in a bit of a weird place right now anyway... and trying to make an attempt this year to go out and meet people, so that I'll have some local friends I can count on. (My friends have been dwindling - people keep moving away!)

I'm off tonight to go to a meetup! A little nervous, but it's to play board games, so hopefully that will be a bit easier than having to talk to a bunch of strangers with nothing else going on!