Oh wow... I'm so sorry. What a rotten situation, especially given that you were being generous and kind by taking in your sister and her kids.

I wish I had some great advice for you, but I don't. I'm a little confused about how the father gets visitation with the kids, when he was abusive towards their mom, is that normal?

Frankly, what really makes me mad on your behalf, is that she's screaming and cussing at you, when you ask her to clean up. You're being generous and doing her a favor by giving her a place to stay - the LAST thing she should be doing is disrespecting you like that. I think, if I were in your place, I'd want to address that first. That's not ok. (I'm assuming you're discussing the cleaning in a fairly rational way, that you're not starting out yelling and screaming at her...)

She really seems like she needs some sort of counseling or coaching, but it's my experience that when people don't see the need for that kind of help, they don't get anything out of it. They have to want to improve their lives first, but it sounds like your sister isn't at a point where she actually wants to change. I just don't know what you can do in those circumstances, other than kick her out (since you're essentially "enabling" her, as much as I hate to say it, since she doesn't have to get a job as long as you're taking care of everything for her.)

Are your parents around? Could she move in with them?

I guess (sorry, I'm a little unfocused here!) that in your place, I'd figure out what my priorities are... i.e. it might look something like this:

- Protect my neices
- Not be yelled at/cursed at
- Keep house clean
- Stop financially supporting sister
- Sister gets job and contributes to house bills

Something like that, to help get clear on what needs to happen. Then, I'd go to my sister (preferably when the kids aren't home, since she might throw a fit) and say that I want to help her, but the current arrangement is not working, and that we need to agree on some rules. I'd talk to her about the areas outlined above, and try to mutually agree on some very concrete rules (things that will be clear and easy to see when they're not followed).

I'd tell her that if she can't follow those rules, she'll need to move out. I know that's hard with the kids involved, but this gives her fair warning and a voice in negotiating the rules. Ugh, I'm sorry, it really is a rotten situation... and you're right that those poor kids shouldn't suffer and possibly be out on the street because of their mother... I'm not sure what else you can do though, unless you think she's unfit enough to get a lawyer and try to have her rights terminated (and adopt them yourself), which might be more traumatic on them, and hard on you too...

Good luck...