Unfortunately, I think attachment stuff... and any of the stuff that stems from us being really young, takes a long time to fix by its nature. It's deep rooted, and it is laid in place when we're so young - it really gets put in place when we're just forming our initial understanding of the world, so all our most basic ways of understanding the world get screwed up (that's what it feels like to me, anyway!)

It makes me sad too, and I don't think very many Ts know how to deal with it effectively, or have their own stuff figured out well-enough to be able to cope with ours. That's just my experience after seeing lots and lots of Ts that should have been good (well respected, ethical, smart, and often recommended by others) who very much let me down.

Even now, I'm not sure my current T is going to be able to help. So far, he's better in some ways (so much less defensive than the others, which is really helping me!) but... I don't know how I can know if he can help, even after six months. It's a constant struggle for me.

I'm sorry that you've had such a rough time with therapy as well, and with finding a competent therapist who can stand by you and help. I wish it were easier, for all of us, I really do. I'm envious of people who find good Ts quickly, know that they are good Ts, and can afford to continue seeing them for as long as needed. It feels like, in therapy, the deck is sort of stacked against us and that it requires a bit of luck to manage to land in the right place.

Do you ever read the blog "Tales of a Boundary Ninja" = Tales of a Boundary Ninja | Insights about therapy and life learned the hard way ? She's been in long-term therapy with an amazing therapist who is very skilled at working with attachment, I often find her perspectives helpful and interesting.