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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25
Ok. I have been on medical leave since October 10. It's taken this long to get my stability back. I haven't really been in contact with any of my coworkers. Maybe once a month I've talked to my social worker coworker. But I'm scheduled to go back on January 5th. And I'm getting scared. I was totally excited for awhile but now that it's coming up I'm scared.
Last night I had a "screaming dream" - a recurring dream I have during times of great stress that involves me. Being extreme violent and screaming my head off usually while beating the crap out of someone. This time it was a stranger. Anyway in the beginning of the dream I was back at work and everything was going ok but I was having trouble bc I couldn't remember anything. That's exactly what I'm afraid of.
I can't remember anything. Not my facilitator's name, not my students' names, not my schedule, nothing. And I'm embarrassed to ask. I feel like I should know. But I can't help it.
Who has returned to work after a long medical leave? How did it go for you? Did you go back full time right away like I am?
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The company that I currently work for I am on intermittent FMLA, but I have gone on med leave as well. About three years ago I had to go on med leave for three months. I was rapid cycling and my pdoc basically stripped me of all my meds and we started over, not fun. I was terrified to go back. Back in June I went on med leave for 2 1/2 months. I had a horrible reaction to Latuda and things went bad and it took that long to stabilize me. My pdoc ended up putting me on restrictions where I was only allowed to work 40 hours a week for 5 months. I'm actually coming off of those restrictions in a few weeks and I'm scared to death. Work is the biggest stress in my life. I really don't know how I do it. I feel like I'm going to crack at any moment.
To answer your question. It is scary going back after a long time. First of all, when we are gone we are going thru hell because we are sick and we are trying to focus on getting well and being stabilized. Then bam it hits you in the face that you now have to go back to work, and atleast for me, every time I was afraid that maybe I wasn't well enough to go back. I don't know if that is partly what you are also dealing with. I was also scared that I wasn't going to remember how to do my job, or maybe they had changed a lot of procedures while I was gone so I also had to learn that as well, more and more stress. For me it takes a few weeks after I get back to settle back into the routine and then my nerves calm down. I hope everything works out for you, you'd be surprised how strong we all can be.