touchingthestars, sorry to hear how upset you are with how your body is right now.

Here is an article that warns about the risks of self criticism and focusing too much on certain aspects of ourselves.
Challenging Body Distortions Through the Eyes of the Body | Psych Central

What it also says to me is that we need to get out of our self image that we build up about ourselves rather than get out of our body.

Bodies change in appearance. Our own mental state only changes when we authenticate the change. Do you really want to change? It is possible.

It is also possible that by focusing on a certain self image that may strengthen that self image even if it is not a desirable one, when we could focus on what we are doing right. Find the littlest thing. Build on success.