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Originally Posted by Anne2.0
I relate to this very much, and you put it into words so clearly that I realize this is different for me than it used to be.I am glad it is different for you, less painful?
When you've been hurt and betrayed by other people, it is smart to keep your distance from them, it may be so automatic a defense that you have to work consciously to let your defenses down. Many of us may have an optimal psychological distance (like personal space) so that we automatically move forward or backward as the other person does.I always forget this, that its natural when you have been hurt to keep your distance. I dont think t really understands that, or perhaps the dept of the hurt for me. Often when I tell her about my psychopath ex, she will minimize or say why did you let her treat you like that?
What I've experienced is that the more "in the moment" I am with my T (or other people), the less I worry about whether they are close or too close to me. I guess that may be the definition of being present. But your awareness that this is what you do leads you closer to being able to choose to let someone closer, if that is what you want.I really do want it with my t, and I am more present with her than anyone else
There was a time when I was afraid of taking risks (actually, this is still true, just not all the time) to share myself with my T and others. Over time it has felt to me that as I feel stronger and healthier, that there is less risk to doing so. The biggest risk may be that people do not respond as you wish them too, but my perspective has changed on that as well. I'm not too invested that people respond a particular way, if it's not helpful, I just move on, if it's something I didn't want but can use, I consider it. It does open up your relationships and your world when you choose to do things differently than you always have. The good part about change is that you can always go back to another way of being. You're not committed to it forever, you can try it out and see how it goes.
It seems to me that you're doing very good, insightful work here.
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Thank you for being so honest Anne, I find it helps to hear of others experience especially when they have come through the worst. It is true that nothing is static and life forever changes. I agree too that we can change our perception of things. I guess what holds me back a lot is a fear or rejection and ridicule. I have bad experiences with previous therapists and been terminated for expressing my true feelings. I understand now of course that this was her issue, she wasn't able to deal with transference and projected her feelings onto me. I know this t will never do that to me, but being a gestalt therapist she doesn't believe in transference, I think they call it projection. I do have lots of feelings for her but I am sure what they are. I am afraid to go too deep as she might not be comfortable with them, I know she will but I guess it is part of our work together.