Just like the title says...
I'm exhausted.
My wife has long standing problems with anxiety and depression. This has been compounded by a death of a family member, her loss of connections with other family members after that death, and the discovery that I had a p*rn habit I lied about for years. That has been 100% behind me for years now.
Her mental state has spun off into a host of physical problems (stomach and headaches, fatigue, etc.).
I'm doing my best to keep the household together and support her through this period in her life. She has been largely bedridden for about 14 months now. Just recently she is making progress.
She feels lost, adrift, in despair, resentment...
We have developed a pattern where I work my butt off to look after as much as possible without infringing on her, looking after house, kids, meals, etc. I also don't ask for much of any emotional support for whatever is happening in my life. When I do, she typically is not available.
At some point, I become exhausted and boil over, and tell her what I need, and what I am not getting. She retaliates by telling me all the lies I told her for years and threatens to leave me.
I know I screwed up my marriage, big time. I know she is hurting and dealing with health issues. But I can't carry the whole load and expect nothing in return, and not even be allowed to say, "I need some emotional support. I am grieving too."
I need to break this cycle of behavior. The setbacks are killing us. We had one yesterday. She'll sleep in another room for a week or so, tell me she is leaving me repeatedly, then slowly move back into our room.
We'll go through 2-5 more weeks of good daily interactions until my stress and exhaustion boils over again. She'll tell me I am insensitive and hurtful. I'll tell her she is hypersensitive, and I have emotional needs too. She'll tell me she has to have someplace in her life where she is accepted as she is. I'll say that as an equal partner, I get to voice what my needs are. She'll point out that I was a liar for years and didn't treat her as an equal.
I've felt like I am just barely hanging on for a long time now. I want to be married, but I don't think she will ever be happy so long as she is with me.
RDM
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