Quote:
Originally Posted by WantToGrow
I am so exhausted being this way but know that I don't want to live the rest of my life this way.
When a therapist recently asked what I thought I was good at, I couldn't think of anything and began crying. Because, it's never good enough. Over Christmas I was at my parents' and asked for my grade school stuff mom had kept, grades etc.. I got As and Bs for the most part, but even now, my 83 year old mom said I could have done better if I wanted to. This is what has colored me all my life.
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I guess you can wait for your mother to die, so she wont be able to give you her negative messages anymore. But if you havent done the psychological work to break away from her, there will still be a period of mourning, and then how old will you be? I assume you are in your 50's or so now?
I have been in therapy since my early 20's. Each and every t told me i needed time away from my mother (i wasnt allowed to go away to college, even tho i had the grades for it), because everytime they built me up, she would tear me down. Now i am in my early 60's, i have been TRYING to stay away from my mother for the past few years, i tell her i am not mad at her, but my life is in a shambles. And still, she wont leave me alone. She doesnt need me - she just wants dominion over me. Everytime she contacts me, i am not myself for a period of time. Its like she bombs me back to the dark ages. She doesnt care - she just wants to tell her friends that yes, she talked to me. Thats what embarrasses her - that they ask her. But she doesnt really care about me.
All this is to say - you have to choose - to paraphrase Jack Benny - your mother or your life?