Hi,
(just venting, attention seeking> disregard if neccessary)
I would like to share this "issue" with You.

I am in psychotherapy for almost 9 months. I am 20.
Most of my life, I ve been trying to face my trouble with motivation. I was playing computer games a lot (escape mechanism), since I was 10 until I stopped completely in 19, before I got into therapy.

As I was 15-16 I was trying to figure out what is the purpose of life... what is the meaning right?? Why do I walk the earth, right?

Now I am 20 and I keep having these thoughts and deep feelings of no motivation.
I feel as if I have to stay alive only to not hurt anyone else by stopping to breathe. Then there are some pleasent feelings and happiness that last some time....... oh now I got a sudden feeling: I want to keep living to validate and appreciate those feelings of happiness that my T has given to me. It seems, I only want to vent here... I am alone for 3 weeks, without my T, I feel alone, because she is the only person that I can let inside my heart and head. I feel sad, because I am a monster... ugh

write it down, they say... self-therapy, they say... hehe