I do understand exactly how you feel. We became "aware", and there is no going back. I too have longed for the days of total ignorance.

After 45 years of ignorant bliss, I have a closet full of coping skills, and well, others.

But today, since I now have a label to what is wrong, I can take the appropriate steps to recovery such as medication and therapy.

Please don't give up and keep working on betterment.