I totally get it. I wasn't diagnosed BP until I was 53, then BP 1 at age 55. What I didn't realize at the time was that I'd battled the illness since I was very young, and when I was dx'd it took so much of the pressure off that I basically fell apart. I'm still trying to put myself together, and sometimes I wish to high heaven that I'd never found out what was wrong.

But then I look back and realize that I no longer have the anger I carried around with me for so many years. I also know now that not every thought needs to be expressed and sometimes it's best to just let things go. I didn't understand any of that until I was medicated and my brain slowed down enough to enable me to grow up the rest of the way. So it hasn't been all bad.