Hey, here's what I think.

First off, you are really young, and have a lot of life left to live, even though you may not feel like there is or care for it. And, you're right about one thing - it doesn't make sense to live just for someone else. So, you need to find a reason to live for yourself.

Sounds like you haven't found your life goals yet, your purpose. Well, my friend, there are quite a few people in their 40s and even 50s who haven't found their purpose yet, so I'd say you have the age advantage.

If I were you, I guess I would pack my bags and just go tour the world for a year or two or ten ! Go find out what you like, what you hate, what you can and cannot do, your strengths and weaknesses.

It seems like a huge task right now, and maybe it is, but the only way you will figure this one out is by getting out there and living a lot of life ! Give it 10 years ... when you're 30, I'm willing to bet you'll have a much better idea of who you are and what you want out of life.

FYI, I was also suicidal at 20 (I'm 31 now), and back then, I didn't know anything about the world. I'm glad I at least got to know the world a bit before deciding whether or not to continue. I hope you'll do the same.

It's up to you ultimately, but please don't take your own life blindfolded and without knowing what's out there.