I used to be very compliant with meds and whenever I was prescribed something new would be eager to give it a shot, as I thought it I could handle anything.

But I've had a rough year due to interactions and reactions to several different meds. (Had a rough year all 'round, but that's a different story.) I don't want to go into specifics, but it wrecked my life.

In the past six months or so I've been prescribed lamotrigine, mirtazipine, latuda, zoloft, and, most recently seroquel. I get the prescriptions filled but can't bring myself to take them. If I so much as put a pill to my lips I start shaking and crying, reliving everything that happened this year.

I'm seeing a therapist about this, but so far she's not helping. Her attitude seems to be "When things get bad enough and you want to get better, you'll take the pill." There may be a kernel of truth in that, but it still seems cruel to me. I'm pretty much already at rock bottom.

Strategies that I've heard and read so far to help with overcoming the fear of meds are:

"Cut the pill into a smaller dose and take that." Which is what I used to do. Definitely viable, but one of my reactions this summer I did that, took only a quarter of a Klonopin and still had a bad reaction.

"Have someone you trust sit with you while you take the pill." This is the most appealing to me, but unfortunately I don't have any one like that in my life. I have no friends. My therapist suggested I come and take the pill during one of our sessions, which appeals to me, but I don't want to take something and then have to drive back to where I'm staying and I don't have anyone to drive me there and back.

"Check into the hospital where they can monitor if you have a bad reaction." This may be what I have to do, but I'm hoping to keep it as a last resort.

So my questions are what coping or other self-soothing strategies have others used? Not just after taking the pill, but before. And if I do have another bad reaction, how do I get through it? I'm pretty much all alone.

Also, has anyone ever had a negative reaction to a medication and then resumed taking meds? If so, how did you overcome any fear or resistance or flashbacks to the reaction?

Friendly encouragement (e.g. "You can do it!") is also greatly appreciated. But please no posts about the evils of psych meds and big pharma or advising me to try exercise and diet instead. I don't want this to turn into a debate thread. That only feeds my fears and right now I've made the decision that I need and want medication and I would like that to be respected.

Thanks to anyone who's read this. Please be kind.