I experienced something similar with trauma. I repressed all my feelings about my dad's death for about eight years because I couldn't face it.mwhen I finally started allowing myself to feel, it was terrible. Everything went crazy for another two years. But it was the best thing I ever did because it allowed me to finally heal from the trauma of his death when I was little. I feel MUCH better in relation to that.

Similarly, when my symptoms returned two years ago I spent a lot of time pretending everything was ok, and when I finally admitted it wasn't and got an official DX everything kind of went haywire again. I found myself lying to doctors and therapists again for some reason. When I finally decided to be honest it hurt at first but now I feel SO much better.

Point is, not repressing your feelings sucks at first bc you're not used to feeling them. But it's absolutely worth it in the future. Things will improve as you learn to handle your feelings. It will get better, just hold on.