I don't know what I can say that will be able to make you feel better. All I can say though is that you're not alone with feeling the way you do. I do know that every situation is different. But regardless of however it happened... The way you n others feel that way as well. There's no magic drug. There's no magic words that is going to make it all better just like that. I can tell you that I was at the lowest level I have ever been on in my whole life. I hated waking up and still do a lot of the time. But I decided to give my life at least one more week. With death its permanent. No way to ever be able to have a chance to be happy. Idk what you are in the views of religion. Myself is a firm believer in God. I'm slowly getting closer to God and then taking a moment at a time each day. It is worth it. Your life is worth it.... Happiness is not out of the question. I was sure that it was for me. But it hasn't been. Some days are still tough. If I have a good day then I am happy. I just let things happen n then just do the best I can. Try to take care of yourself and not worry about what others think. Take baby steps and then a moment at a time. Then you will not even know what happened until you look back n think 'wait, I just laughed. I just had a good time. ' The way you will be able to see the happiness in life is a lot more than that of what others see it as. Because when its all said and done.... The mountain or mountains that make you stronger than the way you could not be in this situation and I know that it'd be the last place anyone would want to be in.... But it is all ALL worth it n life is not taken for granted when you have to go through the way things are NOW... But not forever.