I admit I am not the most patient person, I feel like there's no time to 'heal myself' gotta figure out what i can do now as is or something....meh I don't know. I already question physical reality and whether there are perhaps different realms/planes of existence and such, more likely there is more than meets the eye when it comes to such things.

And I don't know I figured my problem was being too aware of the 'big picture' I am well aware everything is connected and what not...As far as the big picture is concerned well its not looking good.