I do think being a professor was my dream, both of my parents were school teachers so education is really important to me and I have developed a deep empathy and sympathy for what they do. I just thought that teaching at a college level might be better for me because I would really get to delve into a subject fairly deeply rather than skim over it. I am beginning to realize now though that research isn't really for me. I wanted to teach and engage interesting ideas and I didn't really care about writing papers and so on. I love my parents deeply they just grew up on farms and have more of a pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality. And tough love can be a valuable thing, it just isn't everything I need right now. Like I said my brain is stuck on how pointless everything seems to me. I have thought about trying to contact the graduate school and see if I could just get my degree on a non-thesis option. But it has been 8 months, I have probably burned that bridge.