My therapist didn't really take vacation time over the holidays. (He sort of did, he only worked Mon and Tuesday of last week and this week, but I was able to get in both weeks, so this isn't me reacting to a long absence...
)
I just don't know that I'm getting anything from this. I tried. He seems like a fine person. It's just... I don't really see much of a point to me being in therapy.
Here's what I've learned:
- I need to do more fun things. OK, got it.
- I need to have more friends. OK, working on it.
- I got screwed in the "parents" department, they sucked, and the amount of neglect that I experienced isn't "normal". My whole family is pretty much nuts. -- I found this validating. But, now that I've got that, I don't know that there's much else to say on the topic.
- Apparently to "heal" my life, I need to go in and have emotions with my therapist. I think I have plenty of emotions all on my own
I'm an emotional basket-case. I can't really imagine getting to that place with my therapist, so I don't see much hope of accomplishing this.
Thus, I don't know what else I need to do for therapy. I think at this point, I'm just wasting time and money. (But I also feel a tiny bit hopeless, hate my job/life/family and don't see anything really getting much better, not sure what better looks like, not sure how to get there, and think "retirement" looks easier to achieve than "happy life" - and "retirement" - in like 25 years or so!!! - should fix some of the unhappy job stuff!!!)
I don't know. I guess I don't expect that there's anything that anyone CAN say about this, so I'm not sure why I'm posting, other than... I've got T tomorrow and am really not wanting to go.
I don't want to go, but I think quitting will be awkward and difficult! I mentioned to him a few weeks ago that I kind of wanted to quit after every other session, and he said he knew (! surprised me !) - but asked that I just please come in for one session to let him know if I ever do decide to quit *sigh*.
Maybe I really just need to up and *move* (to a new state) - that gives me an easy reason to quit!
