I used to trust. When I was young I was too trusting. My experiences have changed me. I find it hard to trust people now.

I married when I was 25 despite a gut feeling that said don't do it. We had already set a wedding date and my fiance pressured me when I said I wanted to wait. We divorced about 7 years later. He was a jerk but I am glad we had my son.

I met a man about 2 years after that and we developed an intimate relationship. For the first 7 years or so it was wonderful. We were happy. He was a good father to my son. But then... He met a guy who was trafficking drugs. I thought it was just weed. But it was also meth. My BF became moody, unpredictable and progressively more violent. He never used the meth in my presence so I was confused by his changing behavior. I did not know about the meth until after I killed him in self defense.

I no longer trust people. Not men, not women, not family. I love my son but I cannot trust him 100%. I have learned people can change and if someone can be so kind for 7 years and then change how can I trust anyone not to change?

I prefer animals. Their character doesn't change. I had a wonderful horse, Dusty, for 12 years and I knew what to expect from him. He could be stubborn at times but he was always gentle. And I always treated him gently even when he was stubborn. I was patient and he learned to do what I asked him to do. After we bonded I trusted that horse 100% and I believe he trusted me. He had no hidden agenda like people often do. I never had to go into the field to get him. I just sang out his name and he came to me. Often he was rewarded with a food treat. At Halloween I cut up apples and put them in a tub of water and he would bob for apples. Sometimes he would press his face up against mine and he would breathe my breath and I, his.

My horse died a couple of years ago at the age of 24. I miss my relationship with Dusty more than any human relationship.