It's been over 2 years since I lost a psychiatrist who was very important to me. I looked up to him and and I could actually feel his warmth and kindness. I felt a heart to heart connection and came to really care about him. I miss him every day and talk to him in my head often throughout the days. I'm not in love with him, he was more like a mentor, and it was so helpful to talk to him. I've never gotten over the grief from this loss. Right now I have no one to turn to for help, no doctor, no therapist or psychiatrist, all these things are unavailable to me now where I live and I've completely given up. I'm in a terrible way and I really need to talk to him but that can't happen, he works elsewhere now, and I'll never see him again. So I have pretend conversations with him to feel like I'm not totally alone, but feel utterly pathetic when I remind myself that he isn't actually here and the comfort I get is just a fantasy. Then, a few days ago, I bumped into him on the street. We had a nice superficial chat and I evaded the "how are you?" question because I knew it wouldn't be appropriate to lay my sorrows on him now that he is not my Pdoc so I made out that I was alright and changed the subject. But gawd it made me sad to be so close to the one person I long to talk to and be real with and who could really help me during this desperate time, I've been talking to him in my head for 2 years, and there he was in the flesh and it couldn't happen. I've been in tears ever since. I am so alone.
This was actually a reply to another thread but I felt like putting it out there on it's own. I guess I just need some empathy.