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sunrise said:
SecretGarden, I think just being aware of it can help. For example, when you are talking with someone and ready to give a response to their situation, perhaps just pause to see if you are genuinely responding to what they have shared with you or if you are projecting something on them that you are feeling from another situation.

I feel that recently I have been the recipient of projection from many people in relation to my marriage/divorce. It is hard to tell friends and family about the problems in my marriage and that we are headed toward divorce because immediately people start projecting their crap onto me from their own failed relationships. If they were in a bad situation in the past, they right away start calling my husband a creep and urge me to take him to the bank for all that he is worth in the divorce settlement. That is not what I am about at all. And it wounds me to have people immediately react that way to my situation. When my husband and I began openly talking about divorce just recently, my advice to him was do not ask advice from people who have been divorced, because they will try to turn your situation into the negative one that they went through.

A way that I project onto people right here on PC is based on my own psychotherapy experience. For example, I feel the client should determine the course of each session, choosing the topic, etc., and I am strongly advocating for that all the time, perhaps too strongly! I need to realize that in some therapeutic approaches, this is not the way it goes and the T is more directive, and I need to not post so strongly that it seems like any other way is "wrong." I need to work on that!

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Sunrise your post resonated with me in several ways.

I do think it is important for me to be aware of what is happening and your thoughts are valid. Sometimes particularly when things are heated it is hard to take a step back but ... that would be a goal in my life anyway so doing that is a great idea.

I was talking to someone last week about a situation at work and how I handled it wanting to just verify that it seemed like I handled the situation o.k.. I was standing up for myself in a peaceful and diplomatic way but standing up for myself. The next day the person I was talking to asked about how things were with the biatch.... and I responded that things were well with my friend and that we had talked at length positively the next day. The assumption was that I thought she was a ***** which was way way far from my intention. I was just checking on ME.

I understand the projection you speak of here as well when talking to people in general about what is going on with them. I do try to check in and be aware that it is their situation and all situations do differ. I feel that that is a strength but it is not always easy to follow when emotions are deep on a topic.

I agree with your PC observation as well. People have varied therapies and they often are productive. We can not speak to where people are in their therapy or what they may need. Again, often that is determined my an ear and insight and ultimately not projection of our own needs. Not easy indeed. That also includes what people chose to share here. The whole story may be here or things may be missing or ..... etc...

Thanks for your response.