Hello gnomebella. I am so sorry you are going through this. I've been there- lying about the scars to my mother. Seeing the pain and worry in her kind of scared me straight for a while. I wish bad things had not happened to you last time you deserve support not more pain.

It sounds like additional counseling would benefit you. I like kaliope's idea to tell your mother you are struggling without mentioning the SI.

When I'm at a public place I try to find a rubber band to put around my wrist- my way of acknowledging to myself that I'm hurting. I hope you will find alternatives that work for you.