Quote:
Originally Posted by DrSkipper
I don't know what advice I have for you, but I'll share my perspective.
My best friend was completely straight when we dated, and at the time I was more into girls than guys and I was madly in love with her. We spent two weeks dated before she decided that a relationship wasn't right for her, and it broke my heart. We stopped being friends for months. Eventually we made up, and for a while it was a bit rocky at first, but now we're just as close as we were before we dated. She went through a lesbian phase, but even though I still liked her deep down, she told me she only saw me as a friend and reminded me of what happened last time. Then she went back to being straight and was single for a while, and whenever we got drunk we'd make out. Sex came up as a topic and she told me she had been considering sex with me, and we both agreed that we would never do anything romantic, but strictly "as friends". Then she dated until she found her new boyfriend, and now we don't do anything physical or sexual, and we are both okay with that. I'm now pursuing other guys, and we are very close still.
I think in your case, if you are so close you should be able to express your feelings towards her and judge her reaction, and if she feels nothing for you, you could stay close, and if she does have feelings for you, there should be some limits and boundaries set up so that if things don't work out, you won't lose your friendship. Losing a friendship like that is very hard, so if you value her friendship more a romance, you may want to stay as friends.
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Thank you for sharing this story with me. It sounds somewhat similar to what I'm experiencing.
There was one night that we were laying in bed talking about something deep and I just felt extremely connected to her and felt like maybe I could kiss her. I didn't want to cross her boundary and knowing that she has a boyfriend, I would never go too far. I eventually fell asleep and that was that. But I told her that I felt like on some level I might be falling in love with her, and she said that she could feel it and that she thought she was losing her mind. She thanked me for saying something. And she said that part of her wonders if she was bisexual because she was pretty sure she probably would have kissed back. In high school she thought she might be a lesbian and even dated girls for a while. So this likely has her in thought quite a bit.
Overall she responded very well, but she never said either way if she felt the same. All she said was that the part of her that loves her boyfriend would never cheat on him. To which I responded with saying that I wouldn't ask her to do that and that I would never act on my feelings because of that.
I don't have a problem with putting my feelings aside to just be friends. I'm ok with that. What I'm concerned with is that I am afraid she is using me to fill a physical void that she doesn't get because of the long distance relationship. Not that she's doing it intentionally, but that it's happening and she doesn't even realize it.
That I am not ok with.