Yes, unfortunately there will still be that little voice somewhere far away saying "you can still do it, don't give up" which I'm now trying to shove in permanently. And then there is the family that stresses me ever more often to find someone, which makes me nuts. Already punched a concrete column and cracked open my metacarpian in 2 some time ago and I do fear for my well-being to not happen again.
As for fitness well, I did do train as complementary to my learning before, only got more serious in latest period to just get more ripped for the purpose of becoming more attractive for women. Nowadays I just can't find the power to learn or train anymore, just returned to introducing bread and soda to my diet, which by the way, puts fat on me like it never did before, 2 kg in 2 days...
Thanks for the replies again, hopefully I'll balance myself in a few days as the brain usually does overnight. Although every time the bad feelings linger for more days than before, and the good days last so much less, lack of hope tends to do this unfortunately.