Had a difficult talk - again - with my T yesterday. Therapy cannot help me because I need the impossible - a cure for homosexuality.

I am despondent and have lost all interest in my life. My sexual orientation cannot be changed but it is not for me. I want to lead a normal life. Always have. I have tried for years to fit into the LGBT community but cannot. Finally, a few years ago, I drew the line. That's it. I am not going back. Yes, I am very depressed and am morbid nearly all the time. I have a life that I cannot do anything with. It - I - am useless.

The T thinks this is just one of my downward swings but, frankly, if homosexuality cannot be cured then there is no point in continuing with therapy. I am going to tell him this next session (Monday). I need a cure, PERIOD. There are no other options that will work. I will not waste my time or hold out that therapy can help me anymore. It cannot.

I want to be a self-realized person. I do not want to fake what I do not like. I do not want to spend the rest of my life with people I have little in common with. Just like religion - which I've found to be totally false - so is therapy.