I can relate to at least some of this.

My mom has also always invaded my privacy - she even went through my garbage. She used to ask my friends personal questions about me if I brought a friend over during highschool - the second I was out of the room she'd start. So, I stopped bringing people over. To then get bothered about why I didn't bring people over.

She also is angry that I do not open up or tell them anything - and why would I when she's broken my trust every single time I ever tried? I also get called ungrateful, selfish, etc etc. I spent a lot of time feeling that way, but it's really a result of how I was raised actually.

I also frequently get told that I'm overreacting... if I bring up anything at all. And my mom's also gotten mad for us not doing "enough" or "anything" when we're there - but she never let us, and each time I go to do something when I'm there, I get yelled at for doing it! It's a lose-lose situation there.

I had to go and live with them for a few months when I was 27. It was horrific. But that was due more to my brother than anything else. So, I can relate to the huge desire to GET OUT!

My mom is also a child of an alcoholic, and I know she's had a rough past. Her solution seems to have been to try and avoid it and rigidly control everything in her life (so, I do have the overly-strict family structure that is different than yours... but some of the behaviours were quite similar).