Eh. - If anything, that's the word I'd use to describe my day so far. Depressed, but then again that's how I am all the time. Recovering from a setback, wondering what to do and where to go from here. It seems no matter which direction I take I'm always running into a brick wall, some insurmountable difficulty wedging itself between me and what I need. Each time I get my hopes up for something that might work out, it falters. I am growing increasingly hopeless.

Took some time to care for myself today. I went above and beyond the usual shower and shaved my legs - kinda. There's a few little patches of hair I missed, but I don't seem to care enough about anything anymore to do a good job. Then afterwards I dried my hair (though forgot to part it the way I like). And then, to top all that, I clipped my nails (including toenails) and decided to paint my fingernails.

I had to remove the old polish from 3-4 weeks ago, which wasn't hard. The hard part was the polishing. The first hand came out fine, but the second hand I kept messing up, getting the polish on my skin and either having not enough or too much - it looked horrible.

Self-critical thoughts came on. What kind of girl am I, if I can't even paint my nails? It's true, I've never been into the girlie stuff, and I have always been considered plain and unattractive. But now it seems I even do my nail polish like an ugly girl. I'm starting to wonder why I should even try.

It feels like everything I do is futile and hopeless. Why bother?