I agree with the above. A very dear friend of mine came out as gay at age 42 and is now married 3 years later to his partner. My friend is not invved in the LGB community, and aside from falling in love and marrying a man, his social circle is the same as it was before he came out. This friend had a similar disdain about what he thought it meant to be gay. When he finally came out we (his friebds and family) were so relieved for him. The only difference is that he is at peace. He did go to a therapisr who was great. No pushing of an agenda either way. Instead he questioned his fears and negative attitudes and worked through trauma. Once the got through it, something seemed to click. I think part of it was that he learned that his sexuality doesn't define him. He is who he is and loves who he loves loves. That's it. I really hope you can find some peace.