I've had decades of therapy of all kinds. None of it has helped. Being gay is just not for me. I hate everything about it.

For years I did volunteer work in the community only to be repeatedly treated badly. It's a community where you have to be good looking or wealthy or a body builder or very sexually active - none of which I am.

I think it's time to stop therapy. It has not worked. I'm old now and am not open to change anymore. Prior attempts to fit in have all failed. I no longer want a partner and don't want to get married - I don't have the skills to handle intimacy. I have never liked gay sex much and am not good at it either. It's obvious that I am going to spend the rest of my life alone without friends. I am too damaged from my childhood. At this point, the only thing that would help would be to be heterosexual. My dream, as long as I can remember, was always to be like everyone else. As I've gotten older, that desire has returned. I don't like being different - never did. My gay experience is much different from people raised in subsequent generations.