</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

she can help me but my "zeal" for the business of healing myself is going down the drain

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i don't think i'm putting pressure on my therapist.

what i think i'm doing is putting a light on how i feel about myself....and my success rate over the past 17 years in trying turn around how much I loath this life and myself...well...that success rate is bad.

so...from my perspective...i didn't think i was attempting to put all my reliance on my therapist. i know it is up to me to change....that is why i'm not sure therapy will work since my personal motivation is down the drain. if i'm not doing the work in therapy and my therapist (or any therapist) is doing all the work....well...that just isn't going to help.

so i know it is my fault for not getting better. i just don't have it in me to do my part....not anymore. 17+ years of trying to care about myself has not been fruitful results.

i think the only reason i have gone to therapy in the first place is because every believes it is required to want to be alive.