" maybe we need to make an "appointment" to actually spend some time together to talk."

My husband and I make appointments to talk. If we don't life just gets in the way, or we avoid actually talking about issues and instead talk about everyday things. We schedule the date and time. At first we were a little to aggressive with it - something like twice a week for long periods of time. Then my T reminded us that an hour is a really long time and to try once a week for 1/2 hr to one hour. It works because you know that the conversation will be contained to one or two topics. Emotionally I can handle that much intensity and conscentration anything more would be to overwhelming.