Even when I have a calm day, the tears aren't far away. I feel that I need to decide whether to carry on trying or just give up and await my fate. Trying doesn't guarantee success, giving up means failure, but I don't know what failure will actually be. Maybe it is all hopeless anyway and whatever I do, try or give up, will lead to the same outcome. Everything feels so futile, or should that be I believe everything to be futile? Feeling or thought, do I care? Only in as much as I would like to know will it get any better or is this it?