Thanks, everyone. I went in today... and did the best I could. I didn't tell him outright that I want a break or to quit, but I did tell him that I felt very far away, disconnected, floaty... all that stuff, and that I didn't bring anything with me to talk about (usually I have a whole list).

We talked a little about a dream that I had about therapy (in my dream, I was in a hospital having therapy with him, and his wife died - so he left and quit being a therapist. But I was having a dissociative episode, so I "woke up" to a nurse, asked where my T was, and found out from her ) so yeah, that was an interesting conversation...

And he did a great job of finding things that I could talk about. So, that's one reason why I've stuck with him... in the past, *all* of my previous Ts would push me into a very spacey place where I couldn't really talk about anything, and not be able to help pull me back. This one is the first that is able to, in a very natural way, just find bits of conversation that feel like he's throwing me a lifeline, and can get me out of "non-verbal" land. So, I'm grateful.

Still feeling a bit disconnected and not sure what I'm doing there, but I didn't quit (not today, anyway).

Thanks...

Petra5ed - hope it goes well with your T. That sounds hard. I know my T thinks I need to get to that point too, of being able to express emotions while I'm there and come to terms with my family stuff, but it seems really hard

LicketySplit - OH! Sorry I misunderstood, you're right, that's a great plan - thanks! (My comprehension goes way down when I'm spacey like that!) And you're right, my T would probably not say, "Oh thank goodness, I'm so glad you're quitting! Phew - heck, if you leave now this session's on me" - but it's hard for me to hold onto that idea of him when I'm not there *sigh*. Thanks!

Anne2.0 - thanks! That helps to hear that you've had that conversation with multiple therapists... I appreciate it.

Stopdog - thanks, as always, for your practicality

Artemis-Within - yeah, that's what I was afraid of. It's *so* hard to *know* (you know?) if it's just me running away (yeah for "disorganized attachment!") or if it's really, truly a good idea to get away for awhile to think about what's going on. Thanks.

Ruftin - thanks for raising this point, and I don't think it's rude at all. I do think about this a lot. I just don't know. I've been through a LOT of other therapists (last time I tried to figure it out, it was like 8 or so that I'd seen multiple times) and it really has *never* worked for me. I feel very un-therapetizable. I sort of hate therapy, honestly!!! But, this guy is the *first* that has really been helpful at keeping me talking (enough so that I've told him that I'm amazed by it, because other therapists just sort of left me sitting there in silence and misery, feeling worse and worse, with no way back!). I've also already told him a lot of stuff that I hadn't told any of the others (albeit, in writing). So, I think there's *something* there for me, but I'm not sure what. I don't know... I guess I keep coming back to not feeling certain that he can actually help, even though he's been better to actually interact with than any of the others so far. It's frustrating!

Thanks everyone...