Artchic528

You sound like you are very aware that you have a problem. That is a great step in the right direction. Have you considered counseling? This behavior may be the start of new problems to come. It is best to get this fixed now as it may become a pattern. He is long gone so is this a waste of your precious life? Have you tried reading any books on living in the now like the book Wherever You Go There You Are? by Jon Kabat-Zinn? I find this reading very centering and it brings me to the present.

Best wishes and I hope this helps some.