Sometimes I get songs stuck in my head. Not whole songs, but very little snippets. Usually they aren't good ones and are very triggering to the point where I feel literally mad and wish I had a switch to instantly turn them off. Tonight, for example, I have three songs that are alternating these snippets:
High by (forgot the artist): "I have to stay high to keep you off my mind"

Secrets by Mary Lambert: "I've got bipolar disorder, my ****'s not in order"

And especially this one (which the name escapes me): "So it's ganna be forever or it's ganna go down in flames."

All these songs make me think of my ex and how screwy I sometimes feel with having Bipolar (even if I have accepted that I have it). They get me stuck in the past and down a spiral of negative/nostalgic thinking...wishing things were different...and feeling guilty for nasty things I said to her about a month ago (it's almost 4 months since we broke up, she has moved on, but I can't get her off my mind and it's driving me nuts...especially with these songs in my head).

I always feel happy when I drink, but I don't do drugs. I like to get drunk and party at clubs or bars especially but I always seem to overdue it wanting to get absolutely smashed so all I think about is dancing, drinking, and the people I am with. Sometimes I talk about her to friends though when the sober me is over talking about her to them.

Lately I've struggled tremendously with thinking "I can't get over her", "I can't get these songs out of my head," "I can't believe she's gone and I feel partially responsible for the relationship ending," "I will never get over her fast enough..it will be too long because of my tendency to think negatively and be stuck in the past," etc. etc.

How can I deal with this? I'm getting stressed, upset, and getting migraines. I just feel pretty defeated/hopeless sometimes...especially right now. I'm just so done with it, but my brain doesn't seem to know it. All it does often is think about the good times we had when the relationship actually went well...then turns to how after breaking up she told me she was with someone else and wanted to "wash her hands clean" of me. I don't know what to do.


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