TW_I did/do that too. I have bad back problems from car accidents and I have been cutting for years, even before that but it got worse when my back problems arose. For me, it was something to distract me from the pain I was caused, I cut deeper, till it was numb, and it is the only time I felt less pain. I also felt a sense of control. I couldn't control my back pain, or my emotional pain from bullying, and I felt like everyone else took turns hurting me, from the people that caused the car accidents, to the bullies, I felt power by being the one causing pain, I felt in control of my pain. I still struggle with pain in my back every day. I had surgery too at 15, and I'm 22 now, and it caused some of my discs to get worse, degenerating even, and my tailbone being broken and fused itself in a weird, bent position. My restless legs and pain cause me to be up late at night and it's very easy to cut if I feel inclined. I haven't cut in about a month, but I have urges every day and mostly nights, and I'm scared of myself, because after a long stretch of no cutting, comes a really bad cutting session when I finally give in. I wasn't aware others cut because of the PHYSICAL pain they feel also. It's sad to say, because I wouldn't want anyone else to go through this, but it feels better knowing I'm not the only one. Thanks for sharing, and I hope you can find a way out of that cycle of pain. Good luck. Happy New Year :-)