Hi everyone,

I'm having a terrible problem. I re-started counseling a few months ago. At first I went there because I was having terrible problems with depression and suicidal thoughts, and my intention was just to work on that. I know I have abuse issues, and I have worked on them in the past, but now they are rearing their ugly head(s) again and I am having terrible flashbacks, etc., again. Talking about this in counseling would probably be worthwhile, but I get stuck. I physically/mentally cannot speak. I don't know how to fix this. Partly -- maybe mostly -- it is connected with the abuse. Then I get scared, and so mad at myself because I want to speak and cannot, which makes it all worse, and I feel like I have to hit myself, which is very hard to deal with. I am thankful that my therapist is patient about this, but the problem is that I am not. I really need to talk about these things, and I have no idea how to fix this problem. It's driving me batty! Have any of you had this problem, and if so, does anyone have any clues about how they rectified the situation? I had the problem in counseling before, and I gave up and wrote things down instead, but I don't want to do that now. I don't think it really helped me to write - I don't think it is the same as talking. I think I need to speak now. If anyone has ideas, could you please share them with me? I would be most grateful. Thank you in advance.

Take care,
ErinBear