hey. i struggle a lot with figuring out how i feel. quite a lot. if someone tells me i'm projecting i guess i'm not sure whether they are in denial about their feelings (hence they are guilty of projecting!) or whether i am... is it me... is it them... it can be so jolly hard to figure it out...

one thing i try and do... is notice when i think that someone is having a strong emotional response to me (or notice when i think someone is viewing me in a certain way). then... have a think about whether it might be that i feel that way about them, or view them in that way. sometimes... that just kind of seems to fit. so... i guess i'm projecting. othertimes it doesn't seem to fit... so not quite sure what to make of that.

one thing that i do quite a lot... is 'provoke' others into projective identification. it goes a little like this... i think someone is mad at me. they don't act mad at me but i'm sure they are really. i'll do things... that prompt / provoke them to feel mad with me. then they express their anger and see! i tell you! i knew they were angry at me all along! it is kind of safe for me... because my past experience with my mother was that things were unsafe 'cause she could blow her stack at any minute. if i prompted / provoked her to blow her stack, however, then i could relax for a half day or a day 'cause it took her some time to recouperate.

does that make sense?

i guess that people tend to do the projection / prompt the projective identification thing for certain kinds of perceptions / feelings. if you can identify some of the feelings / perceptions that you tend to project onto others then when you think others are having certain feelings / perceptions about you then that might be a cue for you to stop and think a little about what is going on.

it really can be jolly hard to figure it out.