You seem to have a very warped (stereotypical, homophobic) understanding of who gay people are and how gay people behave. While there are SOME gay people who no doubt fall into those categories, the vast majority do not. The vast majority of gay men are not running around having one night stands with the first other gay man they meet. Perhaps if all you do is hang out at gay bars at 2am, that is who you will run into-- but that is because the vast majority of gay men are at home, asleep, at 2am and not out for you to observe! Your descriptions of gay men are full of anger, distaste, and homophobia. Perhaps you are turning off other members of the gay community because it is evident to them that you have these hateful opinions about them. No one wants to be judged, hated, and shamed by someone they have just met--- another gay men no less who should be an ally. Your perception here is simply out of line with reality. I'm a lesbian and my best friend is a gay man and neither of us have experienced the kind of gay world you describe. I'm not a "stereotypical" lesbian-- and, quite frankly, most are not. My best friend met his current partner on a gaming website and I met mine on a dating website. What do we enjoy doing together? Going out to dinner, listening to live music, shopping, and spending time with friends and colleagues. We both have PhDs, we do not have one night stands, and we do not enjoy bars. That's why we went online-- because it's hard to identify gay people by sight-- so dating online makes identifying potential partners with similar interests much easier! The vast majority of people do not want to randomly hookup within five minutes of meeting-- that simply isn't the case. If you can channel down the self-hatred and homophobia, and approach meeting new people with an open mind and a positive attitude, you might be really surprised by the lovely people you will meet. Your problem seems to have so little to do with being gay, and so much to do with self-hatred, homophobia, and a negative attitude. The venom and hostility WILL turn people off--not because you are gay but because you seem to dislike others and yourself. People want to be around others who make them feel good.