Quote:
Originally Posted by unguy
T's don't know what to make of me. I tell them that people hit on me and they ask, "doesn't that make you feel good?" and I flatly reply, "No, I hate it."
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Women find me more attractive than men do. It's the only option left.
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It seems like you don't like being "hit on" at all. Does it make you feel better when women are attracted to you? Maybe you experienced some sort of past tramua with men or about men, so you feel safer with women?
I'm straight. But due to my past, I do not trust men. I don't even like it when men in my family touch me even though I know I'm 100% safe with them. This made dating extremely difficult for me. My friends in high school who were gay used to tease me that I should have been gay. I have thought about being gay. I feel safest with women and I do find them physically attractive, but there is no sexual attraction there. I am who I am.
I have a step-aunt who is a lesbian. She experienced a lot of csa and sa from men. From what my family explained to me, she choose to be gay. Now, I'm not sure I agree with "choose". Maybe she is bi and choose to stick with women? Idk. But my point is that she experienced trauma with men and really didn't want anything to do with men anymore. My grandpa was one of the only men she trusted in her life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by unguy
Due to chronic injuries, I've had to give up all of my sports hobbies. I just have a lousy body - bad feet and injury prone lanky arms and legs. I've been advised by MDs to not play sports anymore and have been undergoing physical therapy to try to repair my right elbow so that I can at least lift weights or bike ride or swim or play doubles tennis again.
Nothing seems to make me happy any more. I can't even hold a job. Socially, I am a total failure and have been my entire life. I get a lot of anxiety in social situations that has become worse and worse over the years. No one I ever had feelings for ever wanted to date or sleep with me. It was all a waste of time. I can't even seem to make friends.
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This completely describes depression and low self-esteem. Maybe you're using your sexual orientation as an explanation for your depression?
It just seems like there's either something deeper that is making you hate your sexual orientation or you just have focused on labeling that as the core issue.
And as others have said, the way you described the homosexual lifestyle is actually not what I have seen to be the norm. There are two gay couples who live on my street. Both couples have day-time jobs, they don't party, they are family oriented people. One couple has a daughter. The other couple has been together for 8+ years (they lived in the complex before we moved there). I have had many gay friends, and none are like what you have described.
If the majority of the gay community where you live is how you describe, then maybe you might want to move. Maybe it's the lifestyle of the community/city as a whole. Maybe try out a different community/city. I know downtown San Diego is more of a party town. But north county San Diego is not.
And as others have suggested, you might want to try dating online. Ads, to me, seem kinda sketchy. And if you don't like the bar scene, don't go to bars. It's best to meet potential dates either online or in a setting you enjoy...for both straight and gay.